So I'm in the market for a new flat iron. I searched "T3 Flat Iron" because it's this really expensive shiny hot pink plasticky looking one from Sephora so you KNOW it's good. Anyway, THIS came up:
once upon a time, there were these two families that lived in this little town in italy and they were totally not friends. not even awkward acquaintance facebook friends. they hated each other, and whenever they saw each other f2f, they totally fought. they were like rival gangs, but tied together by blood instead of, like, guilt and protection to sell drugs peacefully.
ok so here's the sitch: J belonged to family C and R to M. they totally hooked up... wtf? why would they even think to do this, i dunno. maybe J wanted to piss off her rents, maybe R just wanted to get over that other chick. anyway, the day after they hooked up they got married! craziness! omg, i forgot to say J was only 14 and R was, like, 16. wtf?????
after the wedding, R went to the beach to hang with his boys and ended up almost getting killed by J's cuz, T! shiiiiiiiit! T kills R's bff, M and R got so pissed that he drove his car really fast and shot T for offing M! J's gonna be soooo peeved! that was her cuz, yo!
but instead of being super pissed off at R, she hooked up with him again! omg, and J's rents totally thought she was still going to marry this other douche, P. she totally hated him though and really was into R instead. she went off on her rents, and they slapped her around, mafia-family-style.
anywho, R had to get the eff outta dodge, bc he totally shot T! J faked her own death so she could escape and be with R, but R's homey walked in on the funeral and mizundaztoooooood the whole trick! he went and peeped the news to R in the desert and R flipped his shit. omg! he TOTALLY FLIPPED. (oh, and p.s., there was a letter from the priest who was in on the scheme and R never got it because DHL effed up! shiiiit!)
he went back to town and found her in the crypt, dead (even though she was just fake poisoned and about to wake up any second), and tried to get some more of dat and made out with her (ew.). but then he decided to off himself anyway, and drank some poison that he had bought from this dude. she woke up right then, obvs, saw him dying, cried, tried to get some poison from his mouth, failed, and shot herself all over R. totes tragedy.
This was one of the questions from the Table Topics game that my family played on Thanksgiving. I chose no decade, but I would rather live right now, what with being a woman and all and enjoying my rights and body. However, I think I'm over evaluating this concept. I would pick the 1970s, for the decor and costume. The clothes! The glitz! The glamor! I would have been a stewardess, or television actress, or hairdresser.
But the year is 2008. And I'm a waitress.
Today at work my general manager (big baby-faced Italian 40-something) told one of the Mexicans on the line to buy him a ticket to Cancun for Christmas. And to throw in a lady as well. I yelled down the line that you haven't been able to properly buy a woman since 1954. This sparked a half-baked response about Prostitutes/Sex-Slave Trafficking/Gold Diggers, that began with "Listen to Woman's Lib down there!".
In light of the hella positive outcome of this presidential election, I'm going to enlighten you three readers with a little insight into my political platform. As you can imagine, there are certain ideals I support, and certain things I am against. Also, there are some things I don't give a shit about.
I recently glued/ironed together a skirt for my Halloween costume. I'm going to dress myself in the fashion of Gogo Yubari from the first volume of Kill Bill. Thusly, I made a blue plaid skirt for the grand total of $8, buttons and all.
I have begun my obligatory early-twenties stage of make-believe fashion designer. I'm going to buy a sewing machine from ebay or craigslist or an estate sale or something. I'm NOT paying full price for one of those things. I'm going to design some shit and create a persona and audition for project runway probably.
Californication is on (demand)!
The good news is it's Thursday night and the following shows are going to be recorded tonight:
1. Kath and Kim 2. The Office 3. Ugly Betty 4. Grey's Anatomy (I hate myself)
Also, I may drink in celebration of the fact that my dentist told me today that I can brush away my cavities! And I don't have to have root canals or fillings! Just fluoride toothpaste and another visit in January for a cleaning! The miracles of modern dentistry.
Anyway, I'm taking a sewing class at Jo-Ann Fabrics next months. Let me know if you would like me to fashion you a garment--I need the practice.
...And get to know Sarah Vowell. I heard her on This American Life a few months ago and I liked her. I saw her on The Daily Show just now and I liked her a lot more, and after an extensive internet search that included youtube AND wikipedia, I now think she is my new favorite. My new favorite historian/novelist/radio personality/comedian/social commentator/Pixar voice actor.
First of all, her last name is Vowell and she is a writer! HA! And she writes about American history, most recently about the Puritans from Massachusetts. She collects Abraham Lincoln memorabilia (bookend heads, statues, totem poles), and other historical shit. I'm guessing she reads a lot too, because most people who write about History have to read about History first, in order to write about it with different words the second time around. Otherwise, it wouldn't be History, it would just be lies.
I would like to live in a perfect unapologetic nerdy existence, like she does in her Chelsea apartment, with maps of the Autumnal wind patterns of the U.S. on the wall behind her desk. I would also love to be able to produce something that reflects my general notions, inklings and ponderings... you know, something other than a blog. Oh, and I would loooove to not wait tables anymore, that would be tops.
Here she is:
Great, right?
My sinuses are about to rupture, and that is the only thing keeping me awake right now.
New Mad Men was flippin fantastic, Kath and Kim was the shit--haters to the left, please. I also loved Top Model this week. I swear Tyra is self aware, there no WAY a person like that can continue to behave the way she does day after day and not be in on it.
Also, if you're keeping track, everyone on the TV this week is telling Cubs fans they're fucking retarded, and we're all losing our money for when we get old. Does that mean I'm going to have to wait table when I'm 60? I'll save my apron.
Our Price: $20.78 
